‘Love is a smoke and is made with the fume of sighs’ – Shakespeare’s words in Romeo and Juliet are so true. It’s a sweet poison if you love truly. It acts slowly, moving from eyes to heart and then to brain. There is beggary in love, actually the mendicity for care and attention leads us to love. The smile, cuddles, kisses and peeks at each other fills the empty heart. Heart as we say it, so easily falls for someone. It desires are so profound at times we loose control while satisfying it. It yearns for what it wants, never understands why it is not there now.
My heart is my greatest enemy, it never understands why things aren’ t the way as they used to be. It simply wants it back, never listens or accepts the rejection. It’s stubborn and wants me to fill it’s wishes all the time. How will I say to my love ( or someone used to be my love), that my heart is so stubborn in wanting you back, in holding you in my arms. Brain, this culprit joins with my heart in flashing all the good old memories. The smell of your hair, your smile, the soft touch, the feel of having you in my arms and the numerous dreams we shared.
It’s time to move on….
Moving on, easy to pronounce but difficult to exercise. While I write this there’s a small space in my heart my doesn’t want to move on. Hoping things will be alright. I know that this is the lamest excuse I give everyday to move on. Today, it’s time to pack up even the last memory of you form me. It’s easy to preach, so anyone who is reading this right now, I am writing it as I am going through it.
When you first know that this is over, you feel crushed or like crashing against a wall. Your chest filled with pain unable to breathe. No matter what sort of relationship it was, this is the same feeling all of us have. When tears roll down you cheeks, let it fall and wet your dryness. I have cried everywhere in the first few days. I remember crying in a bus, a train, a cab in a flight back home. That sympathetic look you get when you are crying. Let your feelings go dry with your tears. Weep and weep and finally forget.
I felt empty, less interested to talk to friends, never left home, stopped attending all social events, locked myself up in my room most of the time. I hibernated. I slept, listened to music and read. The next step I took in coming out of breakup was to fill my time. I kept myself busy at work. I remember organizing 3 big events at my work within 8 months of time just to keep me rolling. So the eight hours at work started to move without the memories of past.
The travel time, long tiring hours from home to work or back. The moments I took public transport or work transport. I read while traveling. I was so clear in not choosing a romantic novel, instead I chose thrillers, sci- fiction and paranormal. Thanks to Robin Cook, Dan Brown, Stephen King, Paula Hawkins, Sidney Sheldon and John Grisham. I was so involved in the stories sometimes I started to sketch climaxes in my head. So traveling became easy in the next two weeks.
Evenings, those social media posts about someone getting married or expecting a birthday or engaged or blah blah blah… I was happy for them, but that’s not what I want now. I reduced my time online instead I started working out. I spent an hour daily letting the sweat cleanse me and my soul. This really worked out. After workout the social media posts became lesser and lesser irritating or depressing. Actually i felt light.
Weekends, toughest time of the week if you are going through a breakup. I want to fill these empty hours. I subscribed for Netflix. Saw as many as films just to forget one reality. But the kisses and the love scenes, again tears rolled down wetting my pillows. So I found a new hobby, writing. I wrote an wattpad novel and blogs. I let my feelings out through my pen. I wrote to feel light and happy. As I type these words, there are only few abstract memories of him. Today I am a writer and social media marketer.
Travel, I traveled to new cities. Adventuring new cultures, new languages, new cuisines which excited me. I found myself as a foodie. Now i have a special love for different cuisines of food. Traveling thrilled me. The new places gave me new thoughts. Thus my brain deleted few more of older ones. I spent time in grooming me, made more heads turn my side. This actually made me feel more important. So, the more I spent dressing well the less my thoughts wandered in search of him.
Set Goals and work for it. Give your brain something to think about it. The more it is idle, the more it thinks about the junk from past.
Thanks for leaving me which helped me search my true dream….